Sigh after a heart felt talk to a special friend of mine today, I find my own future very bleak. It's like I'm losing direction from what I know I wanna do. :( Sigh. I don't want to grow up. I just don't want to disappoint anyone anymore. sigh~ why when we grow up we face so much of problem? I miss those day I just need to worry if daddy remember to give me recess and lunch money for school. Or when does my homework due. sigh~ Some times I just don't wanna grow old anymore.
Thru my childhood I disappoint everyone around me time and time again. I can't even think of 10 things my mom and my dad is/was proud about me. In the eyes of other people, I'm a failure in my studies. I just dont know what I want now anymore. whether or not being confuse or what.
This thing really hit on me during my graduation when my lecturer told me this :-
I don't want to be a failure anymore. Working in the tourism and hospitality industry was what I wanna do since I'm in my secondary school. Make up itself was my comfort zone.But young girls and guys, just a reminder.
My worst mistakes thru my childhood and teenage live was trusting myself and only myself. Well needless to say I do have some friends who I open myself up to but due to my stubborn believe everyone out there were most probably harming me in anyways verbally or in action therefore I don't have much friends, in fact i gain more enemies then friends.
I was silly. I was hurt. I have no one to talk to at a point of time in myself. I bottle up everything to myself.
Looking back now I felt I was such a straight forward bitch who does not care about other feelings but myself in school with low or no self esteem.
This only hit me when I was about to finish my course in ITE.
I really do treasure people around me but due to my low self esteem, I didnt know how to express myself.
Even till now, I have problem expressing my love to my parents some times as well.
Thru my childhood I disappoint everyone around me time and time again. I can't even think of 10 things my mom and my dad is/was proud about me. In the eyes of other people, I'm a failure in my studies. I just dont know what I want now anymore. whether or not being confuse or what.
This thing really hit on me during my graduation when my lecturer told me this :-
Focus on your abilities! and not those things you aren't good at....Sigh.. problem with me I finding my abilities and not my flaws. I went thru reflection and question myself.
I don't want to be a failure anymore. Working in the tourism and hospitality industry was what I wanna do since I'm in my secondary school. Make up itself was my comfort zone.But young girls and guys, just a reminder.
Even when you fail, there are always people around you who will catch you when you fall, allow you to rely on.
My worst mistakes thru my childhood and teenage live was trusting myself and only myself. Well needless to say I do have some friends who I open myself up to but due to my stubborn believe everyone out there were most probably harming me in anyways verbally or in action therefore I don't have much friends, in fact i gain more enemies then friends.
I was silly. I was hurt. I have no one to talk to at a point of time in myself. I bottle up everything to myself.
Looking back now I felt I was such a straight forward bitch who does not care about other feelings but myself in school with low or no self esteem.
Another advice : The only way to help yourself is to take the first step out to let people to help you. If you gonna build a wall around people, there is no way they can help you at all.
This only hit me when I was about to finish my course in ITE.
I really do treasure people around me but due to my low self esteem, I didnt know how to express myself.
Even till now, I have problem expressing my love to my parents some times as well.
At least now I'm happy. Happy that I open up myself.
Well I know it suppose to be a beauty blog. To me beauty is not only skin deep but it start with the mindsets.
XoXo
Vivian :)
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